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by Marley Hall Many of us experience shifts in our body composition and skin elasticity as the years pass by. Stubborn areas of fat become difficult to shift, and skin starts to loosen more than we’d like. Not everyone wants to take drastic measures like going under the knife through cosmetic surgery, and that’s where modern technology has come to the rescue. Non-invasive treatments like cavitation and radiofrequency can make a world of difference, avoiding long and sometimes painful recovery times. Cavitation and radiofrequency are simply non-invasive cosmetic procedures designed to target stubborn fat and rejuvenate your skin. Let's break down what each treatment involves: Cavitation Cavitation uses low frequency ultrasound technology to target and liquidise fat cells beneath the skin by apply pressure to the fat cell membrane. The process creates tiny bubbles in the fat tissue, which eventually burst, breaking down the fat into a liquid form that your body can naturally eliminate. It's an excellent choice for spot-reducing fat in areas like the abdomen, thighs, and arms. A trained technician will apply a gel to the treatment area and use a handheld device to deliver ultrasound waves. The procedure is generally painless and may take around 30-60 minutes per session. You’ll feel the skin warming up and may experience a temporary buzzing in your ears whilst its being carried out. Most people describe cavitation as a comfortable treatment with minimal discomfort. Some warmth or tingling sensations might be felt, but there's typically no downtime, allowing you to resume your daily activities immediately. Radiofrequency Radiofrequency (RF) therapy involves the use of controlled radio waves to heat the skin's deeper layers, stimulating collagen production and tightening loose or saggy skin. This is an effective way to reduce wrinkles and improve skin texture. It can also be used for fat reduction as it can heat to high temperatures, melting the fat beneath the skin. The melted fat cells eventually die off and leave the body through the lymphatic system During an RF session, a technician will glide a handheld device over the treatment area, gently heating the skin. A full treatment session typically takes around 30-45 minutes. Clients usually report a pleasant warming sensation during the procedure. There's minimal discomfort or downtime associated with RF treatments. With both cavitation and radiofrequency, 6-10 sessions may be required to obtain good results for fat reduction and skin tightening on the body. Less are required for the face. Research Numerous studies support the effectiveness of cavitation and radiofrequency treatments. For example, a study published in the "Journal of Clinical and Aesthetic Dermatology" (2017) found that radiofrequency treatments significantly improved skin tightening and elasticity in postmenopausal women. Remember that individual results may vary, and it's essential to consult with a qualified practitioner to determine the right treatment plan for your unique needs. In conclusion, cavitation and radiofrequency are safe and effective options for all, particularly women navigating the changes of menopause and perimenopause. With minimal discomfort and no downtime, these treatments can help you achieve the body and skin you desire. To speak to a qualified practitioner about cavitation and radiofrequency treatments in Surrey, visit www.abbeywelltherapy.co.uk Marley Hall is a UK registered, award winning midwife, educator and author from Surrey. She is also a mother of 5. Since qualifying in 2009, she worked extensively within the NHS, caring for women from a wide range of backgrounds during pregnancy, birth and postnatally. Marley now works as a private independent midwife in and around London. She also runs an aesthetic clinic providing cosmetic treatments in Surrey. Marley is one of the founding members of NowBaby Live, and works to provide evidence based antenatal education to people all over the world. She is passionate about ensuring women and their partners are given informed choice and uses social media to educate a vat number of expectant parents. Her debut book Midwife Marley’s Guide for Everyone: Pregnancy, Birth & The Fourth Trimester was released in March 2022 Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. We only share links to products we would use ourselves and all opinions are our own. You can read the full disclaimer here. Please visit our resources page which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content.

Bones are a dynamic living organ that turn over all the time. A small piece of bone takes between 3 to 9 months to turn over completely and renew itself. By your late 30s, your bone density starts to naturally decrease. Oestrogen is very protective of your bones therefore falling oestrogen levels speed up this decline. What is bone density? The term bone density relates to the amount, or thickness, of minerals in bone tissue. It is a measure of how strong and healthy your bones are. This loss of bone density makes your bones weaker, less pliable and therefore more susceptible to breaking. What is osteoporosis? Osteoporosis is when the loss of bone density is severe and there is a greater risk of bones breaking. Many people have no idea they have osteoporosis as it is not usually painful until a bone is broken. According to the Royal Osteoporosis Society one in two women over the age of 50 will have a fracture which could relate to osteoporosis. For men this figure is one in five. DEXA scan to assess bone density A DEXA scan is used to measure bone density which is a non-invasive scan using radiation at a much lower dose than a standard X-ray. The scanner can use the bone density measurement to compare against people of the same age and sex, giving a good indication as to whether you are at risk of or already have osteoporosis. The DEXA scanner is an open machine and the whole process takes about 10 minutes. There are very strict criteria for being eligible on the NHS. which include having already broken a bone, having rheumatoid arthritis, early menopause or being very underweight. The scans are available privately and I encourage everyone, especially women around the time of menopause to consider having one. Information is key to knowing what we can do to prevent a future problem. What can we do to protect and strengthen our bones? There are certain risk factors which we can’t do anything about such as our genes, being a women and getting older but there are other risk factors which are known to increase our risk of osteoporosis which we can address. Smoking slows down that build bone in our bodies. Interestingly, if you’re a woman, smoking also increase your chances of an earlier menopause which is when women are more susceptible to osteoporosis. Drinking too much alcohol can affect the cells that build up and break down brown. It also makes you unsteady on your feet, making you more likely to trip, fall and break a bone. Being physically active and doing exercise helps to keep bones strong and healthy throughout life. That’s because your bones are living tissues that get stronger when you use them. Eating and drinking the right things can help support your bone health at every stage of your life. Calcium and Vitamin D are two nutrients well-known to be important for bones. But there are many other vitamins, minerals and nutrients that are vital to help your bones stay healthy and strong.Try not to become too concerned with getting all these in your diet. If you enjoy a healthy, balanced diet, you're probably getting everything you need. At Menopause Health we believe in educating women about their health risks as they age. Most women contact us to help control the symptoms of menopause such as hot flushes, anxiety, low mood but all women need to be aware of the long-term risks of living with low hormone levels. Osteoporosis is a silent disease, that if detected early enough could be treated. This article is written by Judith Spruzs is the founder of Menopause Health person-centred, holistic care for perimenopausal and menopausal women. Michelle shares her DEXA scan experience on our YouTube channel. Click here to see how simple and totally painless the process is. Her scan was complete in 15 minutes and she had the results by the end of the day. We only share links to products we would use ourselves and all opinions are our own. You can read the full disclaimer here. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. Please visit our Midlife Library which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content.

Pharmacy First- well basically it is what it says on the tin! The NHS England scheme is to encourage people to visit their pharmacists rather than their GP's for less serious illnesses and in turn will help to relieve the pressures on general practices. What is the Pharmacy First Scheme? Pharmacy First is a new service in England which means that you can receive advice and NHS funded medicines for common, less serious illnesses from a pharmacist, without having to make an appointment with your GP to obtain a prescription or visit a hospital. Over 10,000 pharmacies in England have registered for the scheme which is due to start at the end of January 2024 and is aimed at reducing the pressure on general practices. This, alongside expansions to the pharmacy blood pressure checking and contraception services, will save up to 10 million general practice team appointments a year and help patients access quicker and more convenient care, including the supply of appropriate medicines for minor illnesses. Conditions included: The seven conditions included in the Pharmacy First scheme are: What are the Benefits of Pharmacy First? • You do not need an appointment. Though please note that you may have to wait a short period to speak to the pharmacist. • Anything you say to the pharmacist is treated with confidence. There is a private consultation room available. • Pharmacies are open during normal business hours, Saturdays and Sundays and many open late. • Pharmacists are highly qualified healthcare professionals who are experts in medicines. • It may be quicker to see your pharmacist than wait for a GP appointment. How does Pharmacy First Work? If you are feeling unwell and may have any of the conditions listed above you can access Pharmacy First at your local pharmacy and if they are not registered they will advise you of one nearby. Your local participating pharmacist will explain the service to you and ask you for some details including your name, date of birth, postcode, and GP practice. Will I have to pay for my advice or medicine? If you don’t normally pay for NHS prescriptions, any medicines supplied to you under the Pharmacy First Scheme will be free. And if you do usually pay for your prescriptions, the cost of the medicine will be the same as a prescription charge. Will I always get medication? On some occasions, you may not need medication and will receive professional healthcare advice. If the pharmacist feels it is appropriate to signpost you elsewhere, they will highlight the most suitable service to you. Medicines will ONLY be supplied when you have a current condition in need of treatment. Any medication supplied to you must only be used to treat yourself or a dependent. Important information about the Pharmacy First Scheme If accessing the Pharmacy First scheme, you must tell your pharmacist if: • You think you might be pregnant • Other medications you are taking • You are pregnant and/or breastfeeding • Any allergies that you have Pharmacists are highly qualified health care professionals who are experts in medicines. The future of pharmacy is independent prescribing, which will enable pharmacists to see and treat a wider group of patients. In the near future pharmacists will leave university being able to prescribe. The initiation of these services also reflects the NHS’s confidence in community in terms of quality of service and professionalism achieved, which patients and local communities expect to receive- we know that local communities trust and rely on their pharmacy teams. This article was created with the assistance of Thorrun Govind, TV Health Expert, Pharmacist and Healthcare Lawyer, Former Chair and Board Member of the Royal Pharmaceutical Society Did you find this article useful? Sign up for free to become part of the Two Women Chatting Midlife Space and receive exclusive updates.

Award-winning PR expert Sophie Attwood reveals five things to make sure your business doesn't fail and instead, thrives from ‘invisible PR’ to having an end goal, she shares her five tips. There are 5.93 million businesses in the UK and approximately 20% of all businesses fail within the first year while 60% go bankrupt within the first three years. Award-winning PR expert and author of Beautiful PR: Finding Your Brand's Heartbeat for Authenticity in Communication, Sophie Attwood, suggests that effective PR and marketing, or lack of it, is the reason why most businesses fail. ‘I see regularly how people have a brilliant idea, product or service but without an effective communications and marketing strategy to get it out there to the public it simply won’t succeed. It’s very sad to see so many businesses failing because of this - when their business is often, on paper, set to be very successful.’ Here, Sophie reveals the five things you MUST do to ensure that your business doesn’t fail: Find your heartbeat ‘Marketing is about connection. It’s about humanizing your brand rather than simply shouting: ‘We’re the best! Buy us! Sometimes, people forget where they started - and that then has a detrimental impact on their communications strategy. At the beginning of every business - big or small - is someone, somewhere, with a reason for doing it. This needs to come through within a brand’s communications strategy.’ Communicating your heartbeat ‘Once you’ve found your brand’s heartbeat you need to communicate it. By that, I meant that you need consumers to really understand what this brand is about. The best way to do this is to ‘show’ rather than ‘tell.’ In other words people need to read about what they’re buying to feel a reap connection. Stories need to be told; real, raw emotions need to be experienced.’ Know your end goal ‘Knowing what your end goal is is one of the keys to a successful business,’ insists Sophie. ‘Are you looking for more clients? Are you looking to expand to a global market? Are you hoping to launch a bricks and mortar offering? Having a really clear idea of what you want to achieve before you set out to do it is of course vital.’ Be honest and ambitious ‘Being honest and ambitious with your goals is often overlooked but it is very important. You can help to achieve this by being honest about what you have to say to your target audience and recognising how that will make them feel. What can you educate them about? Which publications would mean the most to the consumer you’re trying to attract and how would this link to your end goal?’ Don’t forget the Invisible PR ‘Invisible PR is what people think of you/your brand or business and say about you when you’re out of the room,’ explains Sophie. ‘It’s a series of tiny, often seemingly inconsequential things, which, put together, matter hugely. This is the subconscious response that you and your brand evoke for everyone who comes across it. It’s your reputation and how others will decide to view you for years, even decades, to come. Ultimately a brand is not what you tell people it is, it’s what others (your consumers) agree it is! It’s something every brand and its employers need to be incredibly aware of. And it’s always the little things that matter. From the way people are spoken to on their initial introductory call, to your tone of voice in the quick email fired off to a colleague or potential client, everything matters. It’s the character of the people behind the brand and the way consumers are treated that will impact how others see the brand too. And this alone, has the power to make or break a brand and business.’ Sophie Attwood is an award-winning global communications expert specialising in the health, beauty and wellness industries and author of Beautiful PR: Finding Your Brand's Heartbeat for Authenticity in Communication. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates.

There are many unknowns when you start IVF. One of the most stressful is the total cost you pay if you have treatment privately. It’s hard to know what treatment you will need, how many times you might have to go through it and consequently, how much in total you will have to pay. Using data from all the clinics we work with (almost every clinic in the UK), we open the lid on the average costs. How much does it cost? Based on our data, we know how much a complete round of standard IVF treatment typically costs in three of the UK’s major cities, London, Birmingham and Manchester: · In London, a complete round of IVF treatment typically costs between £6,115 and £9,195 · In Birmingham, a complete round of IVF treatment typically costs between £4,845 and £7,625 · In Manchester, a complete round of IVF treatment typically costs between £4,845 and £7,405 Data last updated: June 2023. Costs can vary, depending on the clinic – and will likely increase over time. To understand how much IVF might cost you, it’s also important to understand why costs can vary. What impacts the cost of IVF? The above costs are indicative of a complete round of IVF treatment, and unfortunately it’s impossible to know how many rounds you might need to have a child. At Gaia, we provide Gaia Plans for up to 6 rounds of treatment. On average, it takes 2 to 3. There are several different types of IVF treatment. Depending on what kind of treatment you need, you will likely have extra costs on top of a standard IVF round: · IVF + ICSI is on average £1,100 extra – most common treatment for heterosexual couples in cases of male infertility · Sperm Donor IVF is on average £1,000 extra – for same-sex couples, single parents or for heterosexual couples who choose to use donor sperm · Egg Donor IVF is on average £2,800 extra – for same-sex couples, single parents or for heterosexual couples who choose to use donor eggs Extra costs for the “Egg and/or Sperm Donor IVF” treatment also include admin, transport and registration fees from the chosen donor bank. Hidden costs There are essential treatments and procedures that you’ll need to complete your IVF treatment. But fertility clinics don’t always include all of them in their package pricing. This is why you’ll see lots of fertility clinics list their IVF treatment cost at £3,000, but in reality what you end up spending is closer to £6,000 with medication, scans, and additional necessary procedures. The emotional cost We carried out research last summer to better understand the costs and impact of IVF on those who were going through the journey. According to our results, on average people in the UK pay around £13,730 for their IVF treatment. That’s 44% of the UK median annual household income (£31,400). With such a significant portion of people’s income and savings going towards treatment, it’s a sad reality that 78% of people have gone into debt because of their fertility treatment, and almost one-third say they’re worried about their ability to pay off that debt in the future. “No one should have to compromise their financial future to build their family. But time and time again, I speak to people who have re-mortgaged their home, gone into overdraft, or taken out credit card debt – all for an outcome that isn’t guaranteed. At Gaia, we insure the risk so no one takes on this uncertainty and financial commitment alone.” - Lucy Slack, Head of Experience at Gaia Paying for IVF and your options Those who go directly to a private clinic for IVF treatment would need to pay the treatment costs, and necessary medication, throughout their treatment rounds. However, Gaia works with your clinic to fix all of your treatment and medication costs upfront, and cover all of the payment until you have a child. All you’ll need to pay is an insurance premium (10-30% of the treatment costs) to start each round. When you have a child, pay back monthly for your treatments for up to 8 years. If you don’t have a child at the end of your Gaia Plan, don’t pay back any of your treatment costs. “Thanks to Gaia we still have over 70% of our savings in our IVF pot” – Lizzy, Gaia Member To request your personalised Gaia Plan to find out if you’re eligible and how much it would cost, you can find a short questionnaire on the Gaiafamily website. This article is a guest advertorial by Gaia Fertility. Listen to the Two Women Chatting episode 'Our Kids Fertility Journey' with Midwife Marley where we chat with her about IVF and egg freezing. Please visit our Resources page which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content. We only share links to products we would use ourselves and all opinions are our own. You can read the full disclaimer here. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates.

When it comes to our health habits, we can often overlook the simple in search of the complex. However, the fundamental pillars that under pin our general wellbeing and hormonal health are often the most accessible daily acts available to us all…. Let’s explore some of these daily habits, that, done with consistency, can see the needle move radically on our health barometer. Get moving When it comes to hormonal health, movement is a powerful ally and not how we move but also when we move. A morning walk is an ideal way to start the day. Daylight, even on a cloudy day, helps to increase levels of our happy hormone, serotonin. It also helps to increase levels of our motivation hormone, dopamine. Serotonin not only helps us to feel happy and content, but converts to melatonin, our sleep hormone, increasing the quantity and quality of our sleep. Morning daylight is a powerful way to increase these important brain hormones as well as communicating to the body the time of day, setting our internal body clock. Even a ten-minute walk can support this positive benefit, by parking a little further away from the office, or allowing an extra ten minutes in the morning to prioritise a walk, done consistently, can see improvements in mood, sleep, anxiety and muscle tone. Walking after eating is another simple yet powerful habit. When we eat, we have an increase in blood sugar levels. These blood sugars need to be used up to stop them being converted to and stored as fat. When we go for a post-lunch walk, our hungry leg muscles mop up this circulating blood sugar, reducing the amount of excess blood sugar available for fat storage. Activities such as gardening, dog walking, hiking and wild swimming, all tap into the benefits of being outdoors combined with physical activity. Sleep like a baby Sleep is a MUST when it comes to our hormonal health. Poor sleep will ultimately lead to poor energy levels and some bad habits will likely start to set in, such as using sugar to boost our energy and wine to wind us down. Getting good sleep starts in the morning, as already stated, a morning walk can boost our sleep hormone, melatonin, at night time. Other habits to help sleep include, not eating too late at night. When we eat a large meal too close to bedtime, the body has to focus on digesting the food rather than preparing for sleep. Digestion involves an increase in body temperature, which is at odds with what the body wants to do in preparation for sleep, which is a drop in core body temperature. A dark room is also a helpful ally in our quest for good sleep, even a small amount of light creeping in through the curtains can wake us in the middle of the night. A black sleep mask can be very helpful in blocking out all forms of light pollution. Another simple way of supporting sleep is a magnesium supplement. Magnesium is also known as the ‘sleep mineral.’ It helps to relax the nervous system and helps us to get into REM sleep. A good quality, bioavailable compound such as magnesium bisglycinate not only helps to ease you into sleep, but can also help alleviate hot flushes, low mood, low energy and muscle cramps. A balancing act Balanced blood sugars are SO important for our overall health but also for our hormonal health. When our blood sugars are consistently spiked too high over a long period of time, then we can begin to experience insulin resistance. This is a condition where insulin is no longer as effective at doing its job of shunting blood sugar (glucose) into the cells of the body. The brain cells are the first to complain, resulting in low mood, food cravings, persistent hunger, brain fog, body temperature dysregulation, feelings of heightened emotions, anger and irritability. Balance blood sugars by becoming aware of the foods that cause a big spike in your blood sugar levels such as sweets, cakes, bread and wheat pastas. Finding lower carb alternatives can support your body in normalising insulin levels, resulting in more energy, better mood, reversal of stubborn weight gain and lower inflammatory levels. Learn more about eating for hormonal health and reversing stubborn weight gain in my book Hungry Woman. Soothe a stressed nervous system Prolonged stress disrupts our hormonal health, and let’s be honest, most of us are under a continuous stress to some degree! Supporting our nervous system during times of stress is of the upmost importance to our mental health and hormonal health. Cortisol, our main stress hormone, robs the body of our soothing and calming hormone, progesterone. This can lead to further anxiety and insomnia. Chronically high cortisol levels also drive inflammation in the body, resulting in tissue breakdown and premature aging. Supporting your nervous system can start with improving sleep, as discussed above, a walk in nature, spending time with friends and improving our social connections. Supplements to support our nervous system include essential fatty acids, particularly those that can also help balance our hormones such as Regenerative Omegas. Essential fatty acids are just that, essential for our mental wellbeing, as well as helping to reduce chronic inflammation in the body. Our daily health habits are not aiming for perfection, however we must aim for consistency, because it is consistency that makes such a difference in the long run. A daily walk, a forkful of sauerkraut at lunch, better sleep, more laughter, less worry. These are the low-hanging fruit that can see you go from surviving, to thriving, and we all deserve to thrive in life. Pauline Cox MSc, Functional Nutritionist, Author and founder of Sow & Arrow. To learn more about how to balance your hormones, at any age, read Hungry Woman- Eating for health, happiness + hormones. The Two Women Chatting 'Midlife Library' of resources has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content. Listen to Liz & Michelle chatting with Pauline here. Note: This post contains some affiliate links. This means that we may earn a small commission when you click on such links, at no additional cost to you. We only share links to products we would use ourselves and all opinions are our own. You can read the full disclaimer here. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates.

Death, Divorce or Dementia! Well this is going to be a jolly read isn’t it? The truth is that you are a lucky person if more than one of the three doesn't hit you and if you are a similar age to me, there are times when it seems like they all might be happening at once. We all have emotional rollercoasters lurking around life’s corners and sadly those tough times are going to be made even tougher if we haven't made some basic financial preparations. I am not in a position to lecture, I am very good at telling other people how to organise their lives but I haven't exactly had my finger on the pulse when it comes to making serious financial planning. Over half of cohabiting couples and over two-thirds of married couples have a senior financial partner in their relationship. Meaning, one person in the couple has handed over the financial reins to the other. This is most likely to be the woman as she takes time out of work for children…. Outdated but true. This too was me, when I took a break from work. I was so busy trying to be good at all the parenting stuff that I was very happy to hand over all the money matters. Many, many clever and capable women who have brilliant minds and maybe at one point brilliant jobs, take a financial backseat when children arrive. From financial independence to taking a “household salary”, it’s great whilst things are sailing along but if something happens to the person whose name is on the bills and bank accounts, then you will have a mess, that you are probably not strong enough to face, ahead. So here we go with some absolute no-brainers about financial planning to do as soon as possible if the above rings true to you. HAVE THE CONVERSATION While you are both fit and well. “Let's get our finances all sorted so we both fully understand and can control where we stand”, does not mean, I’m leaving you or I’m about to give you a shove off a cliff. It just means we need to look after each other now for the future. MAKE A FINANCIAL DOCUMENT A factsheet listing all accounts, pensions, loans and subscriptions….. Everything! There will be more than you think. You should both know how to access all of them and be aware, which are in just one name and which are joint. IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED And that’s me too, then it is outdated but we need to protect ourselves. Recent research carried out by the insurance company Direct Line showed that more than one third - of cohabiting couples living in the UK were unsure of what their rights would be should their partner pass away without leaving a will, and that one in ten cohabiting couples wrongly believed that they would be automatically entitled to inherit their partner’s share of any property that they lived in together. You must know that a surviving partner will only inherit if this is stated in the deceased partner’s will. It doesn't matter if your relationship has outlived most marriages, you have very few rights. MAKE A WILL More than half of married people living in the UK have drawn up a will, whereas with unmarried people who live with a partner the figure is only 26%, just over a quarter. There are far too many cases of people having to sell properties and uproot at the most upsetting time simply because wishes hadn't been made clear. Often you can make a will for free if you leave some money to a charity. Otherwise, use a solicitor. It costs very little and is usually a very straightforward process. You can store it with the solicitor or at home if you like, just don't go at it with a Sharpie when you have a row! CHAT TO A FINANCIAL ADVISOR This doesn't have to be an expensive process and it will probably save you lots of time and money later. They can help you navigate names on the deed of the house, life insurance policies and cohabitation policies. There we go. That wasn't that painful was it? It’s not a pleasant or thrilling thing to do but you will feel so reassured once it is all sorted and believe me, you will never regret it. Who knows, in your organisation, you might find a long-forgotten bank account with enough for a small splurge in it! Alice Beer is a consumer journalist and presenter for ITV's This Morning. Take a listen to us chatting with Alice Visit our Midlife Library Resources which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content and more tips for empty nesters. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates.

“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” goes the song by Lesley Gore - and, actually, a lot of people do. There’s even a name for it ‘the birthday blues’! And it turns out it’s really quite common! Anyone who knows me would describe me as smiley and positive, a ‘glass half full’ kind of gal and 364 days of the year I would say that’s true. But this weird thing comes over me towards the 5th of October and I can’t shake it off. I get anxious about my impending birthday. I shrug off pleas from my family ‘what would you like to do on the day’, is there a gift we can get you? With 'oh I don’t need anything, let’s just go for dinner.' After all, I’m not five years old I laugh. If people make a fuss I feel awkward - if they don’t make a fuss, I feel let down. It’s a lose-lose situation! Milestone birthdays are FAR worse. There seems to be this pressure to hold a big event to celebrate the beginning of new decades when, actually, I’d probably prefer go to the theatre and laugh or cry at some wonderful production. I woke at 4am this morning. Just couldn’t get back to sleep so decided to get these sentences out of my head, capture my feelings so that I could go back to bed for an hour or so with my brain freshly vacuumed of thoughts and worries. Having been diagnosed with ADHD this month I guess things are making a bit more sense to me. So at 4.15am I consulted Dr Google. Why do I feel so anxious on my birthday? It turns out I’m far from alone! Please don’t think this is a ‘pity me’ party. I’m more than aware that there are huge things going on in the world and for people personally who may be suffering from debilitating diseases or worries about money. I don’t know what it is really. An ‘upchuck’ of thoughts and feelings that, like so many things, are better written down and removed from my head. Birthday depression, or birthday blues, refers to that feeling of sadness, anxiety, or apathy that surrounds your birthday. "People who have birthday depression often spend their birthdays with a low sense of energy and feel gloomy, with thoughts that often focus on their past," psychologist Ash King tells Refinery29 in an article written by Alexandra Koster that really summed it up for me. Of course social media doesn’t help. It intensifies these feelings We tend to see validation by the number of likes or birthday shout outs and measure ourselves short if we don’t meet our ‘number’ expectations. I avoid Facebook on the day, worried no one will remember. How dumb is that, measuring my worth from mentions on social media - but I can’t help myself. As usual I’m a solution-seeker and I researched what can I do to deal with these feelings, to solve them. Some birthday depression symptoms can be similar to clinical depression symptoms, whilst others could be related to historic events or ‘life passing you by’, a fear of ageing. They may be caused by trauma in the past or it could be a sign of clinical depression, so watch out for that. Symptoms of birthday depression may include, but aren’t limited to, the following: • Persistent feelings of sadness • Low self-esteem • A lack of energy or enthusiasm about your birthday • Social withdrawal • Sleep disturbances • Changes in appetite • Obsessing over the past • Emotional volatility • Anxiety or paranoia • Brain fog • Disinterest in birthday celebrations So here are some ways I found that help: Wallow in it a bit - not for long but allow yourself to feel these feelings without guilt. Be kind to yourself and do things that YOU want to do on your birthday - and that could be nothing than a bubble bath, a glass of wine and your favourite movie. Plan your day, your way. If you want simple, do simple. Book in time with a friend or a mani-pedi. Prioritise your needs, even in small ways. Choose the food you want to eat for dinner - even if that’s baked beans on toast or a childhood favourite dessert. This is healthy selfishness and it’s good for you to practice self-care! Open up to your family or friends to let them know you’re not being a moody cow because of them - just explain it’s not your thing. I quite like to celebrate later in the week so there’s a disconnect between the actual date and the ‘celebration’. But if these birthday blues persist or become extreme, do go and seek support. In the meantime I’m off for a birthday road trip to Annapolis to see a friend. Today is going to be a good day! Visit our Midlife Library Resources which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content and more tips for empty nesters. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. You can listen to Two Women Chatting podcasts on any platform or just by ‘asking Alexa’.

TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR COMFORT DURING MENOPAUSE WITH ANTI HOTFLUSH UNDERWEAR Almost 80% of women would experience hot flushes or night sweats, or both during menopause, according to new research funded by the U.S. National Institutes of Health. This makes hot flashes one of the most common symptoms of menopause. Aside from being painfully challenging to deal with, hot flashes are also linked with other symptoms in women such as stress and anxiety. Our goal in this post is to highlight how specially made menopause underwear can help with keeping menopause hot flashes under control. Organic Pima Cotton And Silk As The Most Breathable Fabric To Wear Synthetic fabrics like polyester, nylon, and similar ones are bad at managing heat and moisture. This is why your body may easily get overheated when wearing underwear products made from synthetic fabrics like these. Heat sets up your skin for itching. And when you constantly scratch the affected skin area, it helps eczema spread to other places. Not just that, it also opens up the skin area to sweating and skin infection. A good example of breathable fabric is the JulieMay range of comfort bras, all made from certified organic Pima cotton, complete with silk inner linings to further keep the skin cool. Along with cotton, silk is also one of the best fabrics when it comes to cooling down the skin, wicking away moisture, and regulating temperature. Products like this easily help to reduce the heat trapped around the genital area and make women feel more comfortable. JulieMay's Pima Cotton & Silk Collections Are Free From Harmful Dyes And Synthetic Fibres: Moisture-Wicking And Cooling Technologies JulieMay Lingerie offers moisture-wicking and cooling technologies in their designs. These features help to draw moisture away from the body and keep women feeling cool and dry during hot flushes. This is why Juliemay offers menopause underwear products made from a combo of both organic cotton and pure silk linings. The 100% Pure Silk bra linings and underwear inner layers help menopausal women get the best of both worlds whether it’s keeping the body cool and dry or wicking moisture away during sweaty moments, especially at night. Allergy-Free With Anti-Irritation Properties Hot flashes can cause sweating, leading to unpleasant odours. Choosing underwear with anti-odour properties can help minimize this issue and keep women feeling fresh and comfortable. Allergy-free underwear is also highly recommended to avoid heat rashes, hives, and other conditions that could be triggered when someone comes in contact with products containing substances they could be allergic to. Seriously consider avoiding synthetic fibres like nylon or polyester as well as underwear with metals like nickel and more if you are allergic to those. Talking of allergic skin reactions, chemicals such as dyes, phthalates, flame retardants, and others, used during the manufacturing process of most underwear products can induce allergic skin reactions in people with sensitive skin during menopause. Hypoallergenic underwear products like the dye-free organic cotton underwear products will ensure you don’t get to experience any skin reactions and irritations that may worsen hot flushes during menopause. JulieMay Lingerie is the only brand that has been accredited by AllergyUK to be friendly for people with allergic reactions to synthetic fibres and sensitive skins after breast surgeries. Our collections have been approved by qualified dermatologists to be hypoallergenic. Anti Hot Flushes Nightdress Tight-fitting underwear can trap heat and exacerbate hot flashes. Opting for loose-fitting underwear can help minimize the discomfort caused by hot flashes and allow air to circulate more freely around the body. Another good example, in this case, is the 100% Pure Silk Camisole Top In White from JulieMay. It fits loosely and is perfect for avoiding the dreaded night sweats during menopause. The luxuriously silky feel of this nightwear makes it the perfect choice for hot flashes and night sweats during menopause. Anti-Chafe Full-Waisted Briefs Besides bras and tops, you may need some comfy drawers during your menopause to feel good. The anti-chafe full waisted briefs are lightweight and use soft-touch fabric. They have an anti-bacterial coatinganti-flush pure silk inner layers designed with a pure silk leg cuff to avoid rubbing or chafing your inner legs. Other Lifestyle Changes To Help Manage Hot Flashes While the hormonal changes during menopause could be mostly responsible for the hot flashes we often experience as our body transitions during perimenopause, other lifestyle choices we make could also contribute to this. Some of the most common factors aside from menopause that coil also induce hot flashes include; Staying hydrated to keep the body cool Reducing stress through meditation or yoga Avoiding triggers such as spicy foods and alcohol, and Regular exercise We’ve highlighted several factors to consider when choosing menopause underwear such as going for breathable fabrics, choosing loose-fitting lingerie, and avoiding synthetic fibers, among other things. By taking these factors into consideration when selecting underwear, women undergoing symptoms of menopause will find it less challenging to stay cool and comfortable during hot flashes and manage their symptoms more effectively. The products we have featured about are some of the best you’ll want to get to keep hot flashes during menopause under control. The secret of Julie May products lies in the genius combo of breathable organic Pima cotton and inner linings made from 100% pure silk. These underwear products also do away with metals like nickels, as well as synthetics, latex, and some of the harsh chemicals and dyes used in conventional underwear products that often causes allergy issues for women with sensitive skin. When it comes to keeping cool and staying comfortable in your own skin, it never gets better than this! The symptoms of menopause could be quite uncomfortable, so coping with these symptoms can prove very challenging. But choosing high-quality underwear products can make coping with these a lot less challenging. This article is a promotional advertorial by JULIEMAY The Allergy UK-Accredited, Luxe, Sustainable Lingerie Brand. Please use discount code NEWS20 for a 20% discount. JulieMay has been selected as one of the UKs's 100 most inspiring small firms by the Small Business Saturday. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. Please visit our resources page which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content and to learn more about the menopause why not listen to the two Two Women Chatting episodes on the Menopause and our chat with Dr Nighat Arif. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. Note: This post contains some affiliate links. This means that we may earn a small commission when you click on such links, at no additional cost to you. We only share links to products we would use ourselves and all opinions are our own. You can read the full disclaimer here.

A little while ago I did some research into the term ‘ the sandwich generation’, collated the facts and wrote an article based on what I had found on the internet. Facts are one thing - what I misunderstood and totally underestimated was the emotional stress and exhaustion it can cause. Last Saturday I went to see my mum who lives alone 35 minutes drive away. Until recently she still drove and therefore was not worried if we didn’t visit more than once a week. However, at 92 she decided it was time to relinquish her driving license, and to be honest the whole family was relieved. But what no one had realised was the impact this would have on all of us. She feels she has lost her independence and is a burden and we worry she is alone so much more as she is unable to get out and about easily. She now needs someone to take her to appointments, do her shopping and visit friends. Of course, she’s not a burden and I am happy to do this (and so is my sister but she works full time and travels a lot with her job). But this weekend I saw a glimpse of what lies ahead for us as a family and experienced what many people have to cope with on a daily basis and it is truly exhausting. Welcome to the sandwich generation My sister and brother-in-law needed help moving their daughter into a new house after her partner left her with a two-year-old and a baby due in a few weeks. I took my mother to the shops had a quick cup of tea and then drove over to meet my sister. Just as I arrived mum called to say she’d forgotten she needed to collect a parcel. Then my daughter messaged to say she was feeling a bit down and was coming home. Meantime my husband who is struggling to walk due to an ongoing knee injury called to tell me one of our dogs is throwing up. I was truly welcomed to the sandwich generation! Navigating life as a new member of the sandwich generation The term "sandwich generation" refers to a generation of individuals who find themselves caring for their ageing parents while simultaneously supporting and raising their own children. It typically comprises adults in their 40s to 60s. This generation is called "sandwich" because they are "sandwiched" between the needs of their parents and their children. With increased life expectancy and delayed parenthood, adult kids moving back home due to high rents more individuals are finding themselves in this situation. Financial strain for the sandwich generation One of the primary challenges faced by the sandwich generation is the financial strain resulting from supporting both their parents and children. Ageing parents may require assistance with medical expenses, long-term care, or housing costs. Meanwhile, their children's education, extracurricular activities, and daily expenses can place additional financial burdens. Juggling these financial obligations can lead to stress, debt and a compromised financial future. Emotional and psychological stress Caring for ageing parents while raising children can create significant emotional and psychological stress and balancing the needs of both generations can be overwhelming, leading to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and burnout. The emotional toll of witnessing parents' health decline while trying to provide the best care possible, all while meeting the needs of one's children, can be exhausting and emotionally draining. Getting the work-life balance Members of the sandwich generation often find themselves torn between their work responsibilities, caregiving duties and parenting obligations. The demands of providing care for ageing parents, , managing financial affairs, and addressing emergencies can leave little time for personal and professional pursuits. This delicate balancing act can strain relationships, impact career advancement, and impede the pursuit of personal goals and aspirations. Limited support networks Many people will face a lack of support networks to help them manage their caregiving responsibilities. Unlike previous generations, where multiple generations lived in close proximity, modern families are often scattered geographically. This isolation can make it challenging to share caregiving responsibilities or seek emotional support from extended family members. Limited access to respite care services, support groups, and community resources further exacerbates the strain. Impact on health and wellbeing The chronic stress experienced can have detrimental effects on physical and mental health. Constantly juggling multiple roles and responsibilities can lead to sleep deprivation, compromised immune systems, increased risk of chronic diseases, and mental health issues such as depression and anxiety. Neglecting self-care due to time constraints and prioritizing others' needs can further contribute to declining health and overall well-being. Coping strategies and solutions While the challenges faced may seem overwhelming, there are coping strategies and solutions that can help alleviate the strain: Open Communication Foster open and honest communication with both parents and children to set realistic expectations and boundaries. Discuss financial matters, caregiving responsibilities, and ensure everyone's needs and concerns are heard. Seek Support Reach out to support groups, community resources, and online forums for guidance, empathy, and advice from others facing similar challenges. Professional counselling can also provide a safe space to navigate the emotional complexities of the sandwich generation. "We are the Sandwich Generation, it's very tough, but you cannot do it without the support system and also you must ask for that support. There’s no shame in saying, do you know what guys, I’m; struggling. There’s no shame in that". Michelle Griffith Robinson, Olympian Delegate and Share Responsibilities Explore ways to delegate and share caregiving responsibilities with siblings, relatives, or professional caregivers. This can alleviate the burden and create a support network for all involved. Be honest with each other so as not to build resentment. Financial Planning Seek the advice of financial professionals to develop a comprehensive financial plan that considers both current caregiving needs and long-term financial stability. Explore options such as long-term care insurance, government assistance programs, and estate planning. Self-Care It is essential to provide effective care to others. Prioritize self-care to maintain physical and mental well-being. Listen to the Two Women Chatting podcast with Michelle Griffith-Robinson about how she copes with being part of the sandwich generation. Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates. Please visit our Midlife Library resources page which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content.

The magic of Christmas is really special with young children in the house. But what happens when the little ones have grown and flown the nest, moved out with a partner or been away at university and found their independence? How does that change the dynamics of the festive season? The upsides of an 'adult' Christmas Well, there can be big upsides doing an ‘adult Christmas’. For those of you with school-age kids, imagine a world where you don’t dash around for hours finding the toy of the moment, sold out everywhere online or on the high street. A world where you don’t wake up at night with the horrific realisation that you haven’t re-positioned Buddy the Elf in an ever more creative scenario. How competitive that gets with celebrities such as Holly Willoughby and Stacey Solomon setting the bar high with Buddy hanging on for dear life to the shower head in the bath tub avoiding being eaten by gummy sharks, sitting coyly on a book shelf reading the Night Before Christmas or ‘drowning’ in a sea of mini marshmallows?! Although this American tradition is embryonic in its take up by the Brits, it is definitely gaining momentum and one we’re happy not to have to embrace annually! There are a few things to consider when planning an adult Christmas. When is the right time for the Christmas stocking to cease (obviously this is really decided by those at the North Pole)? Or would there be childish delight in a university student opening some wonderfully practical gifts from Father Christmas like Uber vouchers and toothbrushes, underwear or mini gin bottle ornaments and a subscription for Marie Claire? One of the most significant changes of refilling the empty nest and having adults home for the holidays is more time. More time to decorate, more time to freeze ahead, more time to plan. Hopefully less stress too. There’s absolutely no need to wake up at the crack of dawn to heft a 20 lb turkey into the oven so that it’s ready at exactly 1 o clock. What adult wouldn’t thank you for the chance of a lie in on Christmas Day? How about a few canapés and breakfast nibbles until you eventually serve up a mid-afternoon feast, before falling into a tryptophan-infused nap in front of the telly - whilst your adult kids get on with clean up! Activities don’t have to be centred around needy children, over-sugared, over-tired and cranky. A thousand-piece jigsaw left on a table that guests can potter around, a few pieces here, a few pieces there. Christmas movies with a Baileys or hot chocolate, reminiscing over childhood favourites. A cocktail/mocktail station where people can create their own drinks - and offer to make for the hosts of course. Do we really need to send Christmas cards these days? Polarising subject this… but one BILLION cards are bought each year in the UK. Does the planet really need this waste when all we put is ‘love from Claire and Mike’ with no other news inside. Wouldn’t a phone call really make someone’s day when we haven’t spoken in a while? Or even a digital Christmas card with a photo and a bit of chat would be warmly received. Our wonderful British tradition of crackers at the table could do with an environmental makeover too. You could make some sustainable, reusable crackers - even buying the ‘snaps’ on Amazon - personalising them for the recipient with a joke or inspiration that would appeal. Alternatively, ditch the crackers and pop a lottery card in any denomination under the side plates. Couldn’t we all do with a little luck this season? (Tip: ask the seller for all the tickets to come from the same roll. The higher the number of tickets bought, the more likely there will be at least one winner, even small). Finally… supposing they don’t come home at all at Christmas As they meet life partners there’s every chance they will ‘flip flop’ between parents. It’s easy to get competitive. Who will offer the best Christmas lunch, the best atmosphere, the best treats? Just remember it’s YOU they come to see. So the house with the least stress and fewer rigid expectations will be the one that is most attractive. If they’re not coming home, plan ahead. There are bound to be others who are alone this year or far from their families - invite them in, get together, have a potluck party but don’t be bitter. If you handle it right, your kids will be knocking on your door next year. Liz & Michelle co-hosts of the podcast Two Women Chatting will be enjoying Christmas this year with some of their adult kids and friends! Did you enjoy this article? Why not join the Two Women Chatting mailing list for regular updates For more resources and blogs on midlife check out our midlife library of resources.

Much as we love our kids most of us are delighted when they leave home after shedding a tear along the way. You have done your job as a parent and it’s your time to enjoy life and take on new challenges, hobbies and enjoy the freedom. But what do you do when an adult child asks to move back home permanently? According to data from the Office of National Statistics, the number of families in England and Wales with adult children living with their parents is nearly 3.8 million (2021 census) an increase of almost 30% from 2011 and in the USA one-in-three U.S. adults ages 18 to 34 live in their parents’ home, according to U.S. Census Bureau data from 2021. What do you do when your adult child asks to move back home full-time? To have an adult child move back into the family home can be a big adjustment for both you and them but if you lay a few ground rules you can make the best of the situation – and may even enjoy it! The return of adult children can disrupt established routines and personal space. There needs to be some boundaries established on both sides. Be honest about plans and intentions from the start- they can’t just move back in as and expect you to be the parent you were before but also you need to remember they are adults and need to be treated as such. Tips for when an adult kid move back home Have an exit strategy- have an honest conversation with them on how long they are planning to stay and re-visit this every three months. Treat them as adults - as a parent we will always see our children as children whatever their age but it’s so important not to interfere in their lives and vice versa -yes many adult kids comment on their parent’s lifestyle when they return! Privacy and Independence - one of the main downsides for adult kids moving back home full-time is the potential loss of independence.  Living with parents will inevitably come with certain restrictions and expectations. Living together as adults doesn't mean sacrificing personal space and independence. Establish boundaries regarding private areas in the house and encourage open discussions about everyone's need for personal time and space. Set house rules - create a set of house rules, define responsibilities and make sure that everyone agrees. These rules can cover various aspects from shared spaces, visitors, routines and household chores but they must be unanimously agreed to ensure that the rules are fair and reasonable for all parties involved or it will only lead to strained relationships and resentment. Be accommodating – as a parent you will have your routines so you must try and make them work together. Organise things so that there isn’t a queue for the bathroom or the need to constantly shuffle cars around and you'll have a much happier household. Ask them to do their own washing and ironing but if this isn’t happening set a rota. If assistance isn’t offered for cleaning and cooking remind them they are not kids anymore but also maximise on their skills – maybe they would be happier helping in the garden? Paying their way- it is important to have this set in stone right from the start. If adult children are moving home due to financial hardship you will want to help them out but you also need to consider the additional expenses you'll potentially need to pay. If they are saving up for a deposit on a house or to travel then it can be a token gesture must pay something. You could consider: •            Charging them rent based on a percentage of their income – a rate of 10% would allow them to put a further 20% into savings or help them pay off loans. •            Charging them a flat rate to help cover your expenses. •            Charging them rent but discreetly putting some aside to give to them when they move out. If your adult kids are unable to contribute to bills or rent, ensure they earn their keep in other ways, perhaps by helping clean your car, working in the garden or other jobs you may pay someone else to do. 8. Communicate - if you feel you are being taken for granted, spending one too many nights ironing or finding the fridge empty or dishwasher yet again not emptied don't allow your irritation to fester. If something's bothering you make sure you discuss it with your adult child. It is a time of re-adjustment and can be challenging but if you set the boundaries from the start it can strengthen family bonds and create new memories. Please visit our Midlife Library for which has a collection of useful links from 3rd party websites and content. Did you enjoy this article? Sign up free to become part of the Two Women Chatting Midlife Sanctuary and receive exclusive updates.